Op-Ed: The Underlying Reason You Haven’t Achieved Your Goals

Hint… It’s not because you’re lazy or “not doing enough”.

You’ve been putting in the hours. You’ve been listening to motivational self-talk podcasts. You’ve adopted a hardcore mentality. You feel you’ve been going “all in”—yet, you have nothing to show for it.

It feels harder than it should be. You’re fighting against the flow. There’s so much resistance you think you’re almost going backwards.

Maybe I need to be fitter?

Maybe I need to train more?

Maybe I need to eat less?

Maybe I need to be smaller or leaner?

Maybe…And hear me out on this one….

It’s not right for you.

Quitting is a concept that our culture doesn’t support because it sounds weak and it displays a defeatist mindset. We are taught to push through, grit our teeth, suffer and make the pain of the pursuit as glorious as the end result. Quitting insinuates giving up. Quitting is perceived as the coward’s way. 

In my experience as a coach, sometimes quitting is EXACTLY what a client needs (especially when it comes to their fitness goals).

I’ve had clients come to me stating they’ve spent several years trying to achieve a set goal but can’t seem to get themselves anywhere. Keep in mind these aren’t people that are trying to qualify for the Olympics, set some kind of record in their sport, or make their entire living off of how well they perform physically. These are people that are mothers, fathers, business owners, average joes, and recreational fitness enthusiasts that are just working on trying to improve and live a healthier life.

You could be doing absolutely everything in your power to get your body to do a certain thing or look a certain way or get it down to a certain number on the scale. However, if you’re pouring every ounce of your being into trying to achieve a very small result only to validate a certain feeling you’re looking to satisfy about yourself–it might not be right for you.

My question to them is always “Why” they’re pursuing X goal or “Why” it matters so much to them? If they’re tied to a very strong “Why”, I’m all for it. If they are rooted in a bigger reason beyond themselves that’s pushing them towards this goal, I honour their wishes and will do everything in my power as their coach to help them get there.

If they seem unsure or can’t answer directly in a single sentence, their goal is often masking something deeper. While we might not uncover it right away, slowly but surely the true reason reveals itself as we chip away at working on their training or nutrition. 

In my experience, it always comes down to the same underlying reason:

Chasing SELF-WORTH and HAPPINESS.

Once they lose 10 lbs, they’ll be worthy and happy.

Once they achieve this new total, they’ll be worthy and happy.

Once they set this new personal best, they’ll be worthy and happy.

Once they gain more muscle mass, they’ll be worthy and happy.

Sometimes these thoughts or ideas became engrained in us from a very young age. Maybe it was a certain experience that conditioned you to think this was the only way to live. Maybe you surrounded yourself with a group of people that idealized certain behaviours that made you believe you also needed to think this way in order to feel validated or worthy. What we get exposed to our entire lives dictates the narrative we tell ourselves until something else shakes it up. You could go your entire life believing X is the only way to feel adequate and successful. Or, one day someone or something could come along and change your entire life’s perspective. 

The idea of what we think we "should be" often holds us back from our truest potential. Even if we don't feel the stress this notion puts on us mentally, it can really take a toll on our nervous system in the long term. The idea of what we think we “should” be or where we think we “should” be sits there in our subconscious mind. It governs how we do things, it governs how we see things without us even noticing it. It almost becomes a form of self-sabotage that inherently stops us from progressing at all because we’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

“Quitting” or moving onto a different pursuit isn’t something everyone likes to hear or even entertain as a thought. But, sometimes, it’s exactly the thing that can propel you towards a better direction with more sustainable results. 

So, ask yourself: are you pursuing something meaningful and in true alignment with what you’re trying to gain for yourself?